Today's The Day

I apologize to all six of you who actually follow this blog.  It has been a busy month as things at school have gotten going.  I planned on writing this quite some time ago, but better late than never, right?

Well, here we go.  In honor of national coming out day, I am gay.  Phew.  I am all tingly having actually said it.  Most people probably already knew, or had a “hunch,” but I have never cared much about what other people think.  This was for my benefit.  I made the decision to do this on my blog because I have always been most comfortable in my writing.

I think I have avoided this moment for a long time because I didn’t want to have to face people after it was made official.  I have always been on the side of equality, which means this shouldn’t be a big deal.  It should be normal for this to happen, but, unfortunately, it will probably be a problem for some people.  I don’t really like those people much.

This is not a decision someone just “makes.” For as long as I can remember I have been confused over what I should be and what I am.  People will always be biased now.  They will always use the word “gay” to describe me now, despite the fact that I don’t go, “Oh, have you met Bill?  He is this guy I know from school.  By the way, did you know that he is straight?”  I have learned before now that some people do use that exact line to describe someone who is gay.

Maybe I have struggled with this just because I have been too scared to admit it, but I also know that it has a lot to do with the language people use.  Whenever someone does something “stupid” or does something they don’t agree with, the people in my community would say, “Well, that’s gay.”  So for me to actually say it and become it, I think it made me feel that I was wrong or defective in some way.

I have tried to hide it, but as many of many of my current friends will tell you, I have not done well in this endeavor.  So there it is.  I am out.  And for the people out there using words like “faggot” or “gay” in a distasteful way, please understand the impact you may be having on someone around you.  Coming out is hard enough without the influence of other people.